J says that I'm over thinking and worrying about things that may not even happen (twins!). She is probably right, but that's just the way that I am and the process I need to go through to reach the same result she did as soon as IVF was the recommended course for me. I had to allow myself to feel mad, sad (how could my body let me down?) and scared (will the drugs make me crazy?) before I was able to get on board with it all. As J said I was supposed to be the 'easy' one when it came time to get me pregnant and it hasn't worked out that way yet.
I didn't qualify for the IVF study as I'm not skinny enough(!), but there is a study that provides chromosomal testing on the embryos that I did qualify for. It means that they will test all the embryos we get for free and weed out any that have chromosomal abnormalities, but the draw back is that they will definitely transfer 2 embryos and because they are 'healthy' embryos there is a 40% increase in the possibility of twins. If it doesn't work the first round we know that any frosties we end up with will also be healthy so hopefully it will only be a matter of time before we get a BFP.
I also found out today that because I have such a high follicle count (which is apparently a good thing) I can't do a fresh transfer. I'm at a higher risk of hyperstimulation and putting the embryos straight back increases this risk. I will have to do a FET the following month. Right now the tentative schedule is retrieval at the end of Jan and FET at the end of Feb. It seems like ages away right now, as I said to my nurse now I've decided to go down the IVF road I'm keen to get started.
The other weekend we spent lots of time in church..... a strange experience for me which probably needs its own post one day. Saturday we went to our friend's wedding and a baptism on Sunday.
The wedding was beautiful. There is something about watching a (lesbian) couple making that commitment to each other that reminds you what marriage is all about. As sappy as it sounds it made me fall more in love with J and reminded me of the couple we were before we had N and stepped onto the crazy TCC train. Aren't we cute?