I have always been an emotional being and in my defense I'm sick (again!), so that adds to it, but yesterday was crazy!
We got slammed by another huge snowstorm and even though I've been here for 13 winters I still hate driving in the snow. It makes me so stressed out and I drive slower than ever, much to everyone else's annoyance I'm sure. My current car isn't 4 wheel drive, so she doesn't like the snow either or to be more precise the big hill that we have to get up to get to our street.
N had school yesterday morning. Most schools had early dismissals and the brunt of the storm was due to start around midday, so as he finishes at 11 I figured he would be ok to go. As I drove him to school the snow started to come down, but it wasn't that heavy. By the time I had dropped him off and got back to that hill, it was already slick. My little car complained and slipped a little but just made it up. I vacuumed and mopped the floor until around 10 when I decided to go and get N. A 13 minute ride took half an hour as the snow had gotten heavier but wasn't accumulating enough for the ploughs so the trucks were just gritting. The main roads were fine, but once you turned off them it became dicey. The hill up to school was nearly impossible to get up. My car slowed and slipped. I wasn't sure I would make it but was so glad to finally crest the top of the hill. At the point I was 30 minutes early, but decided to pull N out anyway so we could get home as soon as possible. Was my boy happy to see me? Nope, he was pissed!!! I'd pulled him out right at the start of snack time and he was mad that he didn't get to eat his apple and blueberries!! I hadn't managed to get my car into a parking space as she was sliding too much, so I'd kind of abandoned it off to the side, figuring we'd soon be on our way. As I'm buckling N into his seat, listening to him complain about the snack interruption a cop pulled up next to me and asked if everything was ok. I hopped out and closed the door, which made N even madder - because I wasn't listening to him. So now he's crying in the car, while I'm explaining to the officer that we are fine and that I'd just decided to pull him out early due to the snow. He's like 'yeah, it's getting bad out. You should get moving and get home.' So I take his advice, jump into the car and tell my son that I was listening to him, but I can't ignore police officers to talk to him and that we need to head home NOW.....and that I'd really appreciate it if he didn't cry the whiole way home as driving in the snow is tricky enough without the added sound effects. It was definitely a scary ride for me and I was so happy when we got home, taking the long way to avoid the hill.
Once we were home we had lunch, played dinosaurs and waited for mommy to make it home. I remember hearing the school bus coming down the st, bringing the other kids home from N's school and feeling ridiculously relieved to hear that sound. I can't imagine having my kid on a bus when the weather is that terrible, although it probably handles the roads better than my car does!
It seemed it be getting later and later, with still no word from J. So I check online to see what time her school's early dismissal is and then tried to figure out from there what time she would be leaving. She finally texts at 1.45 to say that they are waiting on one bus and then she will be on that road. At around 2.30 I'm on fb when I read about a huge accident on the highway close to J's school that she should be on at that time (by my calculations). I try calling her and she doesn't pick up, so I'm getting a little more worried and give it a few minutes before trying her again, still no answer. A good 10 minutes go by before she calls me back, by which point I'm totally stressed out. She says she's leaving and I tell her not to take the highway and as I start to tell her about the accident I start crying my eyes out! She's like 'are you crying?'
Me: ......mumble, mumble...'no.'
J: 'omg, yes you are, what's wrong with you?'
Me: 'I don't know....it must be the damn hormones.'
J : 'holy crap!'
Than I had to wait an excruciating hour and a half for her to make it home! She did let me know when she was close to home but from that point, which is usually 10 mins away it still took another 25 mins for her make it. When she got in she wanted to know what the deal with the tears was I and had to admit that they weren't the first ones of the day. That it bubbles up frequently for me right now and that I was practically crying when I got to school to get N and again when I heard the bus rumbling down the street!!
I'm so glad to be done with the pill, as I'm sure it's been nothing but trouble for me. I don't think I usually get sick that often, as the at home mom there isn't time for that, but in the last 2 weeks I've been sick 3 times to the point where I've needed help with N. The first time J had to take a half day. Then on Sunday she came home from a few hrs at work and made a really yummy dinner while I laid on the couch and then I was in bed by 7, with a fever and the chills. The next morning I called in sick to work and J's parents came to help with N while I slept for 2.5 hrs. Today I went back to work despite having a horrible sounding cough and headache, mostly so N would be reunited with his playmates as school was closed for him and the big kids!!! Luckily I got rid of the big girl and the boys played so well together after 2 days apart and despite my technology ban. I'm pretty sure both boys have had way too much screen time the past couple of days. We did make it out to play for a little while, but N wasn't liking the wind blowing the snow in his face so it didn't last too long, which I was happy about!!
This is the only pic I managed to get. It seems my phone doesn't like the cold weather either. It always dies on me when I take it out in the cold.
So another blogger (hi Amanda) commented that her blog roll has been empty of late and I thought I should provide something for her to read!
I often think of things I want to blog about, or even start the posts only for that to be as far as the process goes. I'm spending lots of time at the skating rink with my job and I tend to start the posts there on my phone, only for them to stay right there.
So here's an update from the TTC roller coaster. I've been on BCP since right after Christmas and it has not been easy. My already far from perfect skin is 10 times worse than normal and it's been very challenging for my self confidence. (Something I've battled with forever). For more than a week it also made me nauseous all day long and sick to my stomach for one very long night. Then there is the spotting, which have all landed me in the worst mood ever. Poor J has been getting it in the neck the moment she walks through the door. It has not been fun and has left us both a little freaked out. If I can't handle the pill can I survive stims and pregnancy?
I had a consult with the RE the other day who basically wanted to reinforce that if we take part in the study (which we are) it is very likely we will end up with twins. Now I have come to like our RE over the past 5 yrs (holy crap!) but the man sure mumbles, probably more than I do! So some of the (phone) conversation was hard to understand, but I got the gist of it. Basically ivf either works or it doesn't. There is very little you can do to change the outcome. Science can only handle so much before luck, fate, the universe, god, whatever you prescribe to takes over.
In surprising news he said that he doesn't think my tubes are blocked at all. He thinks that they went into spasm when they shot the dye in there and that made them looked blocked. I asked him if I should redo the test or try iui. He said that the chances of getting pregnant are higher with ivf (1 in 4 versus 1 in 5) and that with my infertile diagnosis insurance covers treatment, which it didn't before when we thought we were heading for iui.
I feel like I'm kind of detached from the whole process. Just hanging out and going through the motions, counting down the days. I honestly don't know what my chances of this working are and I'm afraid to think too far ahead. I feel the need to guard my poor heart and protect it in case this doesn't work. I know it will be hard if it doesn't. My brother announced on Christmas Day that his wife is expecting in July. That one surprised me and made me want to cry. My twin sister's BFP was less of a surprise as she's one of the (straight) women that I've been giving TTC advice to lately. Now I find myself trying not to dampen her excitement by advising her keep it quiet, because you just never know which pregnancies will end the same way ours have. Not something I would have even thought about a couple of years ago.
I picked up all my meds on Tuesday and they are waiting to be used after I have blood work and ultrasound on the 24th. I keep telling J that she's going to have to give me the shots, even tho I gave her hers! Right now the tentative schedule is for the retrieval to take place the first week of feb and the transfer the following month. We are heading to Disney the first week of April so I will either be going pregnant or having a really awesome vacation to get over it all!
This year I participated in An offering of love's holiday craft exchange for the first time.
Making and sending off my craft took a little longer than I thought it would, but I'm hoping that it made it to it's intended recipient before Christmas.
J, N and I received beautiful scarves from the girls at Adventuresof2moms. N tried them all on before settling on the one that was intended for him! We love how warm and cozy they are keeping us during all the cold weather. Thanks Jenn and Maria! I have a new blog to follow now and am keeping my fingers crossed that you guys will get your BFP soon!