Showers and tea

I went to the third of my friend's baby showers today. I was at the first one too, a week after our m/c. 

This one was held at a tea room and we got to enjoy a somewhat authentic high tea. The lobster bisque was amazing and the tea sandwiches....interesting. What I thought was coronation chicken was actually some kind of curried tuna, it tasted better than it sounds, but some of the others were odd. Who wants jam with their chicken salad? Or apples with the ham and cheese? A nice cheese and cucumber or cheese and pickle would have been good. The scone wasn't bad - although I missed the raisins that I remember my Nan putting in hers. And I had to request milk for my tea, they only had honey and sugar on the tables. I don't know a single Brit who puts honey in their PG Tips or Tetleys! 

Anyway...baby showers are interesting things especially when you are still dealing with a loss. The first shower I strategically placed myself with a woman who doesn't have kids and my friend's stuffy, older in-laws. We didn't talk about kids, only work and travel. I made it through the food and the gifts, feeling proud of myself for holding it together. Was just getting ready to leave when I heard that a friend of ours is expecting her third. She has a 2 year old and an almost 1 year old. In the time we have been trying for number 2, she's already on 3. That tipped me over the edge and I got into my car after and cried all the way back to work. Driving while crying that hard is not recommended, but I was running late and needed to pick up the big boy and bring him to a friend's house. 

 

There was no crying after today's shower but it was still hard to deal with. Today there were 6 women (and 3 little girls), all of us mothers or mothers to be. The talk was all about kids, pregnancy and birth. I got asked THE question  - 'so are you guys going to have any more?' I've come to hate that question and I think I always pause before I answer it with one of my stock answers. 'We'd like to.' Or 'we're talking about it.' I use my stock answers because they are the acceptable ones, the ones people want to hear, without details that will make them uncomfortable and ones that won't piss off my wife. But I also feel guilty for using them. I'm denying that those BFP's ever happened. Saying that those babies never existed, even if they were only there for all to brief a time. J would say that I tend to over share, telling people things they don't need to know and she's probably right, but I guess I just feel that by not saying anything I'm taking away from that fact that those babies were loved, so wanted and will never be forgotten. We planted 2 new trees after our m/c last year, we call them our 'baby trees' for more reasons then many people will ever know.