Getting my head in the game.

So another blogger (hi Amanda) commented that her blog roll has been empty of late and I thought I should provide something for her to read!

I often think of things I want to blog about, or even start the posts only for that to be as far as the process goes. I'm spending lots of time at the skating rink with my job and I tend to start the posts there on my phone, only for them to stay right there. 

So here's an update from the TTC roller coaster. I've been on BCP since right after Christmas and it has not been easy. My already far from perfect skin is 10 times worse than normal and it's been very challenging for my self confidence. (Something I've battled with forever). For more than a week it also made me nauseous all day long and sick to my stomach for one very long night. Then there is the spotting, which have all landed me in the worst mood ever. Poor J has been getting it in the neck the moment she walks through the door. It has not been fun and has left us both a little freaked out. If I can't handle the pill can I survive stims and pregnancy? 

I had a consult with the RE the other day who basically wanted to reinforce that if we take part in the study (which we are) it is very likely we will end up with twins. Now I have come to like our RE over the past 5 yrs (holy crap!) but the man sure mumbles, probably more than I do! So some of the (phone) conversation was hard to understand, but I got the gist of it. Basically ivf either works or it doesn't. There is very little you can do to change the outcome. Science can only handle so much before luck, fate, the universe, god, whatever you prescribe to takes over. 

In surprising news he said that he doesn't think my tubes are blocked at all. He thinks that they went into spasm when they shot the dye in there and that made them looked blocked. I asked him if I should redo the test or try iui. He said that the chances of getting pregnant are higher with ivf (1 in 4 versus 1 in 5) and that with my infertile diagnosis insurance covers treatment, which it didn't before when we thought we were heading for iui.  

I feel like I'm kind of detached from the whole process. Just hanging out and going through the motions, counting down the days. I honestly don't know what my chances of this working are and I'm afraid to think too far ahead. I feel the need to guard my poor heart and protect it in case this doesn't work. I know it will be hard if it doesn't. My brother announced on Christmas Day that his wife is expecting in July. That one surprised me and made me want to cry. My twin sister's BFP was less of a surprise as she's one of the (straight) women that I've been giving TTC advice to lately. Now I find myself trying not to dampen her excitement by advising her keep it quiet, because you just never know which pregnancies will end the same way ours have. Not something I would have even thought about a couple of years ago. 

I picked up all my meds on Tuesday and they are waiting to be used after I have blood work and ultrasound on the 24th. I keep telling J that she's going to have to give me the shots, even tho I gave her hers! Right now the tentative schedule is for the retrieval to take place the first week of feb and the transfer the following month. We are heading to Disney the first week of April so I will either be going pregnant or having a really awesome vacation to get over it all!