33 wks and baby shower

My boss and the girls that I work with decided to have an impromptu baby shower for me the weekend before last. The invites went out late Thursday and I wasn't sure if anyone would make it on such short notice. But luckily for me most of my friends did! Usually I hate being the center of attention but it was actually a lot of fun. I got to catch up with friends I don't see often enough and felt lots of love for me and the babies. The babies were totally spoilt with gifts and N even scored a few too! Here is my 32 wk pic!

Now at 33 wks, I'm officially in my last week at work and I'm counting down the days. Some days are more of a struggle than others.  My belly is huge - at my dr appt on Thursday it measured in at more than full term for a singleton pregnancy! It's definitely slowing me down and makes me short of breath. Keeping up with the boys on a walk the other day was tough - they left me in the dust with only the dogs for company! 

The latest scan shows that baby girl is head down and baby boy breech. There is only one dr in the practice that will deliver breech and it looks like he may be on vacation when I'm due. This leaves me having to decide what I want to do - try for vagjnal delivery and hope that baby boy will or can be turned after baby girl delivers (50% chance). Or schedule a c-section. My induction date is dec 22nd so if I have a c-section the babies and I will be in hospital for Christmas. If I avoid the c-section we could be home just in time for Christmas. I can't imagine making it all the way to that date, when I'll be 38 wks. I don't think there will be room for them, so the whole Christmas thing may not be an issue anyway. I have an appt with the dr that will deliver breech before thanksgiving and I'm hoping to convince him to induce me right before he goes on vacation on dec 19th. 

We have started turning the guest room into the nursery. J moved the bed out and the cribs are in there ready to be put together. The rest of the baby gear is scattered over the house, basement and garage but I plan to get it together, start laundry and install the car seats next week. I've also started to get my hospital bag ready just in case these 2 decide to catch us by surprise :-) 

N is giving us a hard time right now and it's hard to know if it is because of his age or all the changes heading his way. He knows that we won't be at work as much after this week so leaving at the end of the day has become a real battle. He cries, hides and usually ends up being taken to car while telling me that he's not talking to me anymore or going to play with me ever again. Argh!  Last night my boss told him he could have a sleep over this weekend, but I'm pretty sure he isn't ready for that yet and neither are they! He still wakes during the night and we've been dealing with bad dreams a lot recently. I'm hoping that I can put in some serious time with him over the next few weeks and see if we can turn some of his behaviors around. 

He's excited to see his big cousin at thanksgiving and I've set up some play dates for him next week to keep him busy. We are also going to take a tour of the hospital with him so he can see where we will be when the babies come and will be familiar with it when he comes to visit us! 

Breech

I had my ultrasound with the MFM last Thursday and found out that both babies are now breech. I wasn't surprised as a few days before I felt that baby a had turned. I had a rough night, with lots of pain on the right side of my belly and wasn't feeling any kicks at the top of my belly anymore. Now I have to hope that they (or at least a) will both turn soon. 

When J was expecting N she tried so many different things to get him to turn after we found out he was breech. She tried acupuncture, supplements, lying upside down, time on her hands and knees. She even went to attempt a version but the cord was around his neck so that was the end of that. I'm kind of feeling like it's another if those things that I can't control and it will work out the way that it is supposed to. Even if that means a c-section. 

Despite being told constantly that I'm too small to be having twins (even by an OB the other week) all looks good with the babies. Baby A (our daughter) weighs in at an estimated 2lbs 3oz and her brother, baby B is 2lbs 7oz. It seems like his cord issues aren't stopping him from gaining weight at this point, even tho I know it may slow down as time goes on. 

It's crazy to think that they could be here in around 10 weeks!!! I feel like we were so much more organized at this stage during J's pregnancy. We have to switch rooms around so they can have the bigger room and we haven't even started on that yet. J was home on Saturday  trying to work on it while I had N at work with me. I just made a pile of stuff in the basement that we will need and picked up some things from a friend. We are still one car seat short, which I hope we will get soon and haven't picked up our second crib yet. 

I have been having issues with getting light headed or dizzy which usually ends up with me throwing up. After talking it through with my mw and getting my BP checked she thinks I'm working too much. She has told me that I need to cut back on the amount I'm working, make sure I hydrate enough, get 70g of protein and a nap every day. I haven't seen much of my boss so far this week, but will talk to her soon about cutting my days from 6 to maybe 3 or 4. I think my working days are coming to an end!

Pregnancy brain!

I've had a major case of pregnancy brain. Last week  I took the big boy to soccer and left the van door open for the whole hour and fifteen minutes we were there! Luckily it's a pretty safe community so it wasn't that big a deal and I was fully prepared to blame it on one of the kids ;-) 

Yesterday I lost 2 of the 3 dogs at work. I let them out, checked on them after 10 mins and they had disappeared, which often happens. So I decided to wait longer to see of they showed up ( like they usually do). Well I forgot about them and didn't go and look for them for an hr. 

I often ask the kids questions and forget the answers right after they tell them to me! I'm finding that I have to write myself notes to remind me of things which I'm so not used too. 

I'm staying at work this weekend and have managed to keep track of the dogs and kids so far.  I'm definitely looking forward to getting to sleep in my own bed tonight. The woman I work with was telling me to take lots of pics of the bump, which I haven't been doing. So here's one I just took at 26 wks! We have to find time to work on the nursery. I thought we would get to it over the summer, but it didn't happen. Guess that's what happens when you have your second (and third)! All we really need to do is get another infant car seat, diapers and wash N's newborn stuff, which we probably have enough of for both babies. Our neighbor has also given us a bunch of her daughter's hand downs so our baby girl won't be totally dressed in blue! 

Work

I ended up working a whole lot more this summer than I had expected. The family usually leaves at the end of June and doesn't come back until September. Not sure exactly what kept them here this year, but they were only gone for 4 or 5 weeks in the end. It was great for my bank balance and meant N had his best buddy to play with. Having to get up and out probably helped with my morning sickness too. I couldn't hang around felling sorry for myself. I had to find ways to stay on top of it or failing that throw up and keep going. 

Since getting back to work at the end of August my boss finally asked what my plan is and when I think I'll be done with work. I had originally hoped to stay until Thanks Giving but at a recent mw appt she told me to stop work at 30 wks. That works out to be Halloween, which is just around the corner!! I have to admit that I'm surprised by my mixed feelings about giving up work. I've been here 7.5 yrs and am quite attached to the kids and although I know I will be busy at home I think I'm going to miss going to work and contributing to our household income. 

The big boy is obsessed with my belly he is always asking if the babies are moving or kicking. If we are sat together he has his hands or head on my bump. He's asked a bunch of times if he can come to the hospital after the babies are born. I don't think his proxy sibling status will get him in tho! Hopefully whoever takes over from me will bring him over to see them. 

Just the other day he said to me 'you won't ever leave me, right?' Talk about tugging at the heart strings! I've mentioned to both him and N that we will be staying home after the babies come and it didn't go down well with either boy. N cried and it just made the big boy extra clingy! 

My boss has contacted an agency to help her look for someone else. Instead of having 2 of us like she does now, she is looking for one person who can be both her PA and take care of the kids too. I think it will be a lot for one person and they will still need help - thanks to their crazy schedule. But I hope they find someone by the end of Oct so we can start the transition. 

For some crazy reason I've been working 5, 6 or 7 days a week. Without really talking to me my boss decided to give me all the hours I want before I leave. Luckily I'm feeling pretty good so it's working out fine for now, but I know J is worried about me over doing it. I figure I'll make the most of it while I can and reassess it if it gets to be too much. The only down side is that we don't have time to see any friends. Most of his friends are in morning preschool and now he's in the afternoon we can't squeeze any play dates in. Most mornings N sleeps til 9 and we potter around at home until its time for school. He teacher said yesterday that he seems a lot happier and has more energy this year. I'm sure it's the extra sleep!! 

23 wks

I'm 23 wks  and feeling so much better than I was. For the most part my severe morning sickness let up around 18 wks. I'm still getting sick some mornings and sometimes later in the day if I do too much and get too tired. But it's a big improvement. I'm still taking my meds after a recent attempt to come off of them was a disaster, so will keep going for now. 

My belly finally popped about 3 wks ago and I actually look pregnant and not just chubby! It probably coincided with being able to eat more. At 20 wks I made it back to my pre-pregnancy weight and have pretty much moved into wearing maternity clothes now. 

Once I started to feel better I realized that the prenatal care I was getting isn't working for me. I went to an appt where the dr hadn't read my notes and didn't even know I was having 2 babies. She measured my belly and proceeded to freak me out by commenting that I was having a 'little peanut.' When I asked her if something was wrong, being that I was already worried about my weight loss, she pretty much brushed me aside. She was far more concerned with time management and sending me off for yet more blood work, than with me personaly. The thought of getting her for delivery was pretty scary. 

Then when I went for my 20wk scan the tech didn't know I was having twins either. That bothered me less as we had already decided to switch and I wasn't surprised by that point. J was practically out of her chair ready for a fight - it's not the first time we've had issues with this tech either. 

I called up the wonderful midwife J used when we were expecting N and asked if she would take me on. She was happy to hear from me and said she would, but because I'm technically considered 'high risk,' I'd have to use a dr too. She recommended the dr that she works with and said that they would manage my care between them. 

We met with the dr the mw recommended and while I can't say I'm crazy about him, he at least knew that I was having twins! I've come to the conclusion that I don't like drs or hospitals so getting these babies out is going to be a challenge. J is going to have to drag me to the hospital when the time comes! It sounds like the delivery will be a circus, so far from the calm, quiet delivery I'd hoped for. I have to deliver in the OR and the dr says I have to have an epidural in case he needs to 'help' baby b out. So along with J, me and our midwife there will be the dr, nurses and a NICU team for both babies. I'm hoping that having the mw there will ensure that the babies aren't whisked away before we get to really see them. She'll also help with skin to skin time and nursing. 

Changing drs had also meant switching hospitals. Instead of being 20 mins from home we will be 45 mins away. It's definitely a better hospital and has a better NICU if we should need it, but it does put us further away from N. The babies birth will be the first time we have both been away from him overnight and I'm nervous about it.  We haven't got our plan for him totally sorted out yet. We have lots of possibilities and are still trying to figure out what will be best for him. Depending on how I deliver J may only stay with me for one night and be home with him the others. I'm still hoping to avoid a c-section and a long hospital stay. 

Anyway, the ultrasound I had at 20 wks turned up some concerning news that had me on edge for the the last couple of weeks. The scan showed that baby b has a 2 vessel cord, instead of the usual 3. I was referred to a mfm for fetal ekg's. Despite being told that all looked good and it happens in 1% of pregnancies I was still freaked out by it. 

We went on Friday for the longest ultrasound ever. It took 1hr 45 mins and was definitely detailed. We even got to see the babies in 3d which was cool and weird all at the same time! Both babies were declared to be healthy and weighing in at around 1.5lbs. Exactly what a singleton would be at this point in pregnancy. This is what baby a thought about all the poking, prodding and scanning..... 

I'm feeling so much relief now that I know they are both ok. The tech we had was amazing. She explained everything she was doing and took the time to show us all the ins and outs of each babies' heart. Now I'm scheduled for regular scans to check on the babies growth and have appts booked all the way to Boxing Day. It seems hard to believe that I'll still be pregnant then, but who knows!! It all depends on the babies I guess!!! 

Now that I'm feeling better and N is back in school I hope to get back to blogging more often! 

Summer

I finished work last Thursday and as usaual I'm not sure how long I'm off for. It could be a couple of weeks, the summer or even forever. My boss isn't so good when it comes to communication, she's more of a fly by the seat of her pants kind of girl and just assumes that the rest of us are too. I guess it helps that she never has to worry about who's going to take care of her kids as she can always find someone between her 2 nannies, 1 housekeeper and a couple of teens thrown into the mix!

N is already missing his buddy and asks every day if we are going to work. Although I'm not sure if its the kids or their amazing pool that he misses the most....!

We don't have N signed up for any camps or activities this summer, which I originally thought was a great plan but am now beginning to question. I had thought I'd be feeling better by now and that he and I would be able to do lots of fun things and enjoy this time as just the 2 of us.  Even before we were done with work his bed time started creeping back and is now at 9 or 9.30 and it's taking him ages to fall asleep. Last night it was 11 before he gave up and went to sleep. On the flip side I'm loving the easy start to the morning, he's usually up at 9.30 which gives me lots of time to get myself up and together before I have to face making him breakfast! I know that if he was in camp we would have to be up and out by 8.30 and that would change our mornings considerably. It may be something we revisit after our vacation.

Right before we finished up at work I took the boys to Wild West City. It's exactly as the name suggests and probably no different than when J went there as a kid. Lots of gun toting, horse riding cowboys. Both the boys loved it, especially all the live shows that happen throughout the day. They even became sheriff deputies and helped capture the bad guys that held up the stage coach. N also tried mini golf (which did not hold his attention), went panning for gold and visited the petting zoo.

For the 4th of July we went with a large group of friends to a local parade. I think N's favorite part was seeing our neighbour in the parade, he could hardly believe it was him and kept saying 'that was my neighbor?' We lasted about an hour at the parade before it started to rain, we hung out for a while but eventually the rain got heavier and we deiced to head for the car. We made a quick stop for lunch on the way home and then N and I both took naps.

After that the weekend headed down hill for me. I came really close to going back into hospital for iv fluids. I knew that I wasn't as dehydrated as I was the last time I went in, but by the time I talked to my OB Saturday night I was starting to get worried. None of my usual tricks were working and I wasn't holding anything down, all I wanted to do was lie very still with my eyes closed. We decided that if I hand't improved by Sunday morning I would go in. But thankfully by the time I work up I was doing better, just feeling really weak. The hardest part (other than all the throwing up and pulling muscles in my stomach) is that I feel like I'm missing out on so much. J and N spent time with friends and family over the weekend and I just wasn't up to going. It's not that I want them to stay home, I'm happy for them to go and always encourage it, even though I know J feels bad about leaving me. I just wish I could go too!

This is the point where I get totally sappy and tell you what an amazing wife I have. She's been doing such a great job of holding down the fort while still working full time. If any of you work in education you know how crazy the last few weeks are. I haven't cooked, cleaned or shopped for weeks and most nights I'm in bed by 8.30 leaving her to put N to bed. I definitely couldn't survive without her and know that I'm so lucky to have her! 

Last night she said to me that she still doesn't really believe that we are having twins and I have to say that I'm right there with her. If it weren't for all the throwing up I wouldn't know that I was pregnant at all. I have a tiny belly but as a friend pointed out it just looks fat, not pregnant and I'm still 10lbs under my pre pregnancy weight. We did get a double stroller that is up in the guest room, which will eventually get turned into the babies' room, at some point! I also scored a good deal on a couple of second hand swings which I'm sure we will be using a lot!

We waited so long and went through so much to get to this point and I think we are both still nervous about relaxing and starting to believe that this is actually going to happen. Only family and friends know about the pregnancy and we were just talking about when (and how) we will be ready for a fb reveal. For me I think it will probably be once I can feel the babies and maybe after our 20wk ultrasound, even though all looked good at the 12 wk one. 

Update

I've been such a slacker with the blog recently. I missed N's birthday (we have a 4 year old!), Mother's Day,  J's birthday and lots of other things in between.

I have to admit that pregnancy is totally kicking my butt. I used to hear about other people's morning sickness and exhaustion and think that I'd happily take it just to be pregnant. Even when my own sister was suffering with severe morning sickness I thought I would handle it so much better than her. Man was I stupid!! 

I have been suffering from pretty bad morning sickness since about 5 weeks. I was sick from the moment I got up, all day and until recently during the night too. Last week I ended up in the ER because I couldn't keep anything down and got dehydrated. For the first time in his life, we dumped poor N at our neighbors house until his grandparents could get him so that J could be with me at the hospital. The weather is beautiful here and I've been sweltering in long sleeve tops to hide my bruises from the iv. 

Anyway, I'm on 2 different medications now and the combination seems to be helping. I usually get a break during the day when I can actually eat something and hope to start gaining back the 12lbs that I've lost and then some! 

I was officially discharged from the RE the same day I ended up in the ER. It's kind of bittersweet, while its great to 'graduate' I will miss the weekly ultrasounds and checking in on the munchkins. Yep, you read that right we are having twins!! 

I won't miss getting up at 4.30 to get there on time though! Luckily after working with our nurse for 5 years now she's become a good friend and I know we can still ask her any random questions that come up. 

I also had my first OB appointment. We got to hear a heartbeat on the Doppler but at this point she said its hard to find both. Or tell the difference between the 2 of them. I scheduled my first trimester screening and look forward to seeing them on the scan. 

I was glad to hear that I have a 50% chance of a vaginal delivery. As long as the first baby is head down they will let me labour and see what happens with the second baby. Although I think it would be rough to deliver the first and still end up with a c-section for the second. One thing I've learnt is that none of this is in my control and it will work out however it's meant too. 

N now knows that I'm pregnant, but we haven't told him that it's twins yet. He seems pretty excited and asks every day to hug the baby. He frequently refers to it as a her so maybe he knows something that I don't!! 

Happy birthday...

....to me!!!

I'm 5 wks today and the shock is starting to sink in. I'm feeling very grateful that I got a BFP and hoping and wishing that this pregnancy will give us a baby (or babies) around Christmas time! 

Spring

It looks like spring has finally arrived in our part of the world. We have had a lot of rain and a few gorgeous days thrown in here and there. The kids managed to get out and play without their coats on for a change. They spent their time making mud pies and digging for worms. 

Now that I'm only working a few days a week and N is only with me for 2 of them they have started taking his carseat out of their minivan when I'm off. Replacing it every time was starting to be a pain so I upgraded his seat for a booster with a back. It's much easier to move around and N loves it. Although the first day he was in it he asked if I was sure it was safe! He definitely looks more grown up in it and J can't wait until the summer so that she can have it in her car, she's over dealing with the old carseat. 

Transfer day is getting closer, although I'm not totally sure when it will be. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done on Friday and the dr said that I'm getting close, with it possibly being the start of next week. Our nurse gave us 2 dates to choose from 4/15 or 4/19. We picked the 19th because its a Saturday, J won't need to take off from work and my guys will be in Florida for Easter. I'm a little confused as to how we can pick the date as I thought it was based on my body, not the calendar. At this point I am letting go and trusting that they know what they are doing. After all they do it all the time!! 

Babysitter sucess

Today we hired our very first babysitter for N. He is almost 4 (7 weeks tmrw!) and we have only ever left him with family or 3 very close friends. We had tickets to see the Long.Island.Medium and with J's parents in FL and probably needing to hit up our friends for help soon, we decided to bite the bullet and hire a sitter. We've been saying for ages that we need to find a sitter so we can go out on dates more often, but the cost and finding someone we trust has always been the drawback. Which is kind of funny considering that I was babysitting at 12 or 13 (and was totally fine) but wouldn't think of having anyone that young to watch N.

Our sitter is the son of the other nanny at my job. He is a really sweet 18 yr old college student and I've known him for years. The kids at work often ask if he can babysit them as they have so much fun with him. N wasn't that keen on the idea and asked lots of questions about who would be home with him - one of us, the sitter's mom whom he knows really well or the kids. And he has slept so badly the past couple of nights that I wondered if it was some kind of anxiety about it all. But none of us needed to worry. It turned out so well, the sitter said that N was great and really funny. Even better, N asked if the sitter could come and live at our house, if that isn't a great seal of approval I don't know what is!!

J and I had a great afternoon and both really enjoyed the show. It was amazing to witness other people getting messages from family members or friends that have crossed over. I told J in the car that I needed to bring tissues in with me and then forgot. I know I shed lots of tears during the show and wasn't the only one! I didn't go there with any expectations that we would get readings, our seats were not close enough to the stage, I just wanted to see the experience for myself and was so happy that I did.

Vacation

We are back from our wonderful, whirlwind vacation. It was so much fun, definitely the sun filled break that we all needed but came to an end way too soon. We were even talking about moving to Florida - shame it's non recognition state. 

Of course we couldn't leave for vacation without a little drama.... After complaining his belly hurt for a couple of days N came down with a stomach bug the day before we left! He seemed better the day we were due to travel so we headed off to the airport in the early afternoon for our evening flight. As we were hanging out waiting for the plane to board he announces that he needs to go. J takes him to the bathroom and nothing happens, then just as they start boarding the flight he again says he needs to go. I picked him up and started to head to the bathroom and then remembered that I'd put a diaper in my carry on, so doubled back to get it before we made it to the bathroom in time for a massive blow out. After a little convincing I managed to get him to put the diaper on and we headed back to J just as we were being called to board. 

As we got on the plane with all our gear (bags and the car seat) N was looking through the window into the cockpit when the pilot waved him inside. The lucky guy got to check everything out - they even let him press buttons and light everything up as well as push up the throttle. He was so chatty and told them that it was his first time on a plane, all while J and I carried on to our seats and got organized. He was then brought to us as I tried to figure out installing the car seat, which is harder on a plane because of where the buckle is positioned. We all got settled and soon took off just a little later than scheduled. 

We hadn't been in the air all that long when N said he needed to use the bathroom again. Luckily the seat belt sign had just gone off and I lost the rock, paper scissors game and took him to the bathroom. I'm not a fan of flying and always avoid the bathrooms - my worse nightmare is the plane going down while I'm stuck in there. But I sucked it up and manoeuvred us both into the tiny bathroom. Again it was another blow out and just as I got his diaper and clothes back on he had to go again. Poor guy was not feeling great at all. Once he was done and back in his seat he settled down to play with his Peter Pan figures and was happy for the rest of the flight.

We landed at 10.30 and by the time we got off the plane, got our luggage and sorted out our hire car it was midnight before we got on the road. N fell asleep soon after we left the airport (he had napped earlier) and we made the nearly 2 hour drive to J's parents place. We hadn't taken into account that it was daylight savings so we arrived at 2am, which was really 3am! I transferred N straight into bed, we said hello, got what we needed from our bags and crawled into bed with N. 

Luckily for us N slept until 9 the next morning so we managed to get some sleep before we really started our vacation. We spent the first day around the house, taking rides in Gram and Pop's golf cart, made a quick trip up to the pool and popped to the store to get a probiotic for N's poor tummy. 

On Monday we went to Seaworld where N got his first taste at dealing with crowds and waiting in line to do the things he wanted. He liked seeing the animals, especially the penguins but probably liked the rides more. He rode a kiddie roller coaster with J a bunch of times (I don't do roller coaster) as well as all the other rides they had. He even played in the arcade and won a couple of stuffed Orcas that he was really happy with. The penguin ride and exhibit had the longest line and I ended up being really happy that I'd thrown the Ergo in the case at the last minute. It was so helpful for keeping him contained and happy while we stood in line when we weren't allowed the stroller. He even took a nap in it as we stood in line at Disney. 

We had planned to visit the magic kingdom on Wednesday, but when the weather forecast started showing rain and thunder storms we switched it up and went on Tues instead. After much debate about how long we were going to be at the park we got our act together and got there at 11.  I have to give the folks at Disney credit, they are great at dealing with the crowd and coming up with plan B when they need to. The monorail wasn't working and before we knew it there were a bunch of buses that arrived to take us from the parking lot to the park entrance.

There was a performance in front of the castle when we got there and N was mesmerized. He loved seeing his favorite characters and insisted that we watch the whole thing. Despite our attempts to move him along so we could start getting in line for the rides. He dealt so well with all the lines which saw us waiting 30-40 minutes. We had stuffed a backpack with toys, snacks and water so that helped with. His favorite ride was Peter Pan, which had one of the longest waits so we only rode it once. 

By around 5 J's parents were done and I was telling J that I didn't need to come back again any time soon. I really wanted to stay for the parade so J took her parents home while N and I hung out, rode some more rides, ate ice cream for dinner and waited for her to come back. We missed the parade at 9 but did get to watch the fireworks - N and J from the speedway! J has to cutest video of him trying to see the fireworks while he was supposed to be driving. By 10 we were staking out our spot for the 11pm parade (thanks Amanda).  Watching N's reaction to the parade was the highlight of the whole day for me. He loved it. He waved and called hi to all the characters and smiled the biggest smile ever when Cinderella blew him a kiss. 

Wednesday saw us hanging out at Gram and Pop's house for most of the day. It did rain, but not as much as we thought it would. The great thing about Florida is that even when it does rain it doesn't last long. The warmer temperatures and light rain meant that we could still play outside. N sang and danced around in the rain and said that he wished it could be summer all day long :-) 

The three of us went back to Disney for dinner on Wednesday night. We had booked a table at Chef Mickey's thinking that we would end our day there after the park, but we were so glad that it worked out the way that it did. We got the full day in the park the day before and were well rested for dinner and to meet the characters. N started out a little shy, but in no time at all he warmed up and was happy to meet all the characters, especially his favorite Donald Duck. 

Thursday was our last full day and we decided to visit Legoland, which is only 15 mins from J's parents. After experiencing the efficiency of things at Disney we found the park very slow. It wasn't crowded but they could barely handle the visitors that they did have. Lines moved really slowly and we only managed a fraction of the things we thought we would. N still had fun and at the end of the day that is what it's all about!

We flew home very early on Friday morning and were greeted by the freezing cold. The whole plane was groaning when the pilot announced the temps when we landed! I was hoping we could bring back some of the sun and warm temps with us but we couldn't squeeze it into our cases ;-) 

Waiting

Why is it when you are waiting for AF to arrive she decides to take her own sweet time? My irritability, cramps and cravings for chocolates tell me that she's almost here. All the drugs on the kitchen counter mean that we are officially counting down the days to our FET....or would be if only  it was cd1 already!! 

After so long on the TTC train you would think that I would have more patience for the waiting game, but no. I'm ready to get this show on the road and watch my belly start growing :-) 

N update

I feel like I've taken over the blog with TCC stuff so thought it was time for a N update. 

He is feeling lots better - but was kind enough to share with me and I passed it on to J. Just so she wasn't left out ;-) 

N went from taking no classes to being enrolled in gymnastics, basketball and soccer. He is loving gymnastics and can often be found tumbling around the house. We got to watch a class recently and enjoyed seeing what he does while he is there. The coaches were surprised to hear that this is his first gymnastics class as he has caught onto everything so quickly and does a good job of following the instructions. N gets a little confused between basketball and soccer and can be found kicking the basketball and attempting to dribble the soccer ball! I personally think that the basketball looks a little boring as there is a lot of time standing on their colored dot waiting for a turn to dribble and shoot. I have seen him 'accidently' dropping his ball so he can run around the gym trying to catch it. Soccer is more active and he has an English coach (that he thinks talks funny!) so you can't go wrong there ;-)

I have also been trying to get him back in the pool. He is very cautious in the water and definitely forgot that he was swimming so well last summer. It took some coaxing to get him in the first time and he cried until I managed to get him through the fear. If we leave it too long between swims he goes backwards a little. We had to take a break to wait for his wetsuit to arrive as he gets super cold, quickly and if I'm going to all the effort to get us in there we are staying more than 10 minutes!! Now I just have to figure out a way to be warmer myself and we will be able to work on improving his skills. It's hard to believe that last summer he was jumping in and swimming, as well as diving down to retrieve things from the bottom of our pool. I'm sure he will be back there by the time we open out pool again this year. 

School is still going well - if you don't include the getting up part! I'm always glad when Friday rolls around and I don't have to wake him up. J went to his parent teacher conference last week and his teacher said that he's doing well. He still hangs back a little and they are working with him on inviting friends to play with him instead of choosing to play alone. She also said that he has a great imagination, but that his pretend play can get a little out of hand. Or in other words his pretend sword play can go a little too far. He is doing well at rhyming words, can identify most of the letters and counts with one to one correspondence when appropriate. Still working on beginning sounds but he can now write his name and a number of other letters too. Now that I'm not working as many days I'm trying to work on more play dates to fill our afternoons.

While N is a lot of fun he is definitely pushing the limits and my patience frequently. We are working on doing a better job at listening, he has already started talking back and the annoying habit of copying everything you say. He is also trying his hand at playing us against each other to see if he can get what he wants from the other mom, when one has already said no!. I really thought we had a little longer before we saw those not so desirable habits - but I guess our boy likes to keep us on our toes! 

We took him bowling for the first time and he loved it. It was a lot of fun for all of us and was a nice glimpse of the things we will be able to do now that he is getting older. Thank goodness he gave us the excuse we needed to use the bumpers! J and I were both a little rusty and used them a couple of times ourselves. He handled the ball well and even started to follow his throw with his customary slide on his knees. I see a lot of holes in the knees of his pants in our future with that one :-) There were only a couple of occasions when we wondered if his ball was going to make it all the way down to the pins as it was moving so slowly. 

Just a few more days are we are leaving on a jet plane for sunnier skies :-) We are trying to balance our trip to Florida with lots of fun things for N and some down time for the moms too. We will be staying with J's parents so hopefully we can squeeze a date in there too!

Fever boy

It feels like my kid is never going to get back to a full (4 day) week at school again! 

School was canceled thursday and friday last week because we had well over a foot of snow. He had school on Monday and it was canceled again on Tuesday because of yet more snow and then he got sick.

He woke a lot during the night starting soon after he went to bed on tuesday and by 3.30 wednesday morning he had a raging fever. I gave him some medicine and led in his bed with him trying to convince him that sleep was really what he needed until he finally dropped off at 5. Just as J was getting up for work I was calling school and emailing his teacher to let them know he wouldn't be in. I crawled back into bed at J headed out the door   :-(   She had been home since thursday too and it was very sad to have her back at work. 

N got up at around 8.30 still feeling hot - I don't really take his temp unless I feel like it's really high as I don't like to start obsessing about the number. I gave him more medicine and he starting to complain about his ear hurting. We have been so lucky with N, I can count the number of doctor sick visits he has has on one hand, but I wondered if he had an ear infection so we headed to the drs. There his temp was 100 even, both his ears were clear and a strep culture was negative so it's just a cold. 

He is still warm this morning, so no school again. The sad thing is that today is his rescheduled valentines party at school so he has to miss that too. Luckily I sent all the valentines that he made for his friends in on Monday so they will be handed out for him and his teacher will collect his. To be honest he probably doesn't even realise there is a party, I din't talk that much about the party because the weather was not looking good last week anyway! 

There have been quite a few changes over here in the last week culminating in a whole lot of ugly crying from me over the weekend. I'm so grateful to my wonderful wife who weathered the storm with me, picked me up and held everything together while I truly lost my shit. I don't deal with change all that well, guess I like a somewhat orderly life and changes with work, vacation plans, TTC and a very willful 3 year old all at the same time threw me for a loop. I did write a post about it, but am still not sure how much of it I want to share. Cliff notes are that we have 9 frozen embies (still waiting for biopsy results on them), my hours at work have been cut, we had to move our vacation up to March and aren't doing a transfer this month. 

29

We finally made it home from the retrieval nearly 12 hours after we left!! When I woke up at 4am and peered out the window there was already a couple of inches on snow on the ground. J and I both showered before she headed out to clean off the car and I got N ready to leave. Despite fighting sleep until 11 sunday night he woke as I was getting him ready at 5.30 and didn't go back to sleep in the car.

It usually takes 30 mins for J to get to the clinic (40 for me!) and thanks to the snow and slow moving traffic it took close to an hour to get there. I was amazed that we were only 15 mins late. J did such an amazing job getting us there safely. She dropped me off first and headed to our friend's house to drop N off. I checked in, signed paperwork, had my exam with the nurse and was just getting into my gown when J made it back.

The retrieval went smoothly and as I woke up the nurse had a piece of paper with the number they got on it. I usually wear contacts so had to squint to see the number and was totally surprised to see 29!! I was in some pain so they gave me some meds in my iv and I took Tylenol. Then before I knew it I was being fed cookies and soda, being walked to the bathroom and getting my discharge instructions. 

We made the 5 minute drive to our friend's house and decided on the way there that we were going to have to stay there for a while. The roads were so bad and the snow was coming down pretty fast. My friend had made up a spot on her couch for me and I hung out watching the kids (N plus her 3) play. J had to venture out again to get some painkillers for me as my friend didn't have any. 

J was such a trooper. She drove in some pretty horrible weather and ended up shoveling our friends driveway so we could go home. Then she had to shovel our driveway once we made it home! 

We sure got lots of snow! 

On Tuesday we heard that 25 of the eggs were mature and 20 of those fertilized. We won't get another update until the 9th when they pgd and freeze them. 

J took off work yesterday and we have a snow day today and I'm so grateful that she's home. Monday was rough, yesterday was better but I was definitely moving slowly and today is pretty bad.  I'm feeling bloated, but the hardest thing is that I feel like there is a band around my lower ribs. It's hard to get a deep breath. My ovaries also hurt more today than they did yesterday. I think I probably have mild OHSS and I'm trying to keep it at bay with lots of salty food,  keeping my fluid intake up and taking Tylenol every 4 hrs. I'm no longer sad that we aren't doing a fresh transfer as I think my body needs a break. I am also no longer sure about the homebirth that I always wanted. Think being knocked out is the way to go!!! Lol 

Almost there!

I gave myself the trigger shot at 8pm last night. Retrieval is scheduled for 8am tmrw! We ended up with the super early slot, which means an early start for all of us. I have to be there at 6.30 so we will be leaving at 5.30 and dropping N off with a friend at 6.15!

We are under a winter storm watch for tmrw so that should add to the fun too! Luckily for me J gets to do the driving in the snow. We are hoping to be done and on our way home before the worst of the snow sets in. Maybe the early start will mean that we all get naps in the afternoon!

At my ultrasound this morning I counted 28 follicles while the Dr was measuring them and there were 11 more that were too small to measure. I asked him if they would be taking all of them out and he said yes. I'm pretty sure that some of them are not mature enough to use, but I'm hoping for a good number.

I'm happy to be getting a break from the shots and daily blood draws. I was starting to feel like a pin cushion and beginning to get some good bruises! There is one nurse that I've been trying to avoid when it comes to blood draws. She is great at taking the blood quickly and doesn't hurt, but she is a little tape happy after, she practically tapes up my whole arm. When you have as much arm hair as I do taking that tape off is like waxing your arms. Ouch.....lol! 

Cookies

For the cutest hackers!!! 

Holy hormones!

I have always been an emotional being and in my defense I'm sick (again!), so that adds to it, but yesterday was crazy! 

We got slammed by another huge snowstorm and even though I've been here for 13 winters I still hate driving in the snow. It makes me so stressed out and I drive slower than ever, much to everyone else's annoyance I'm sure. My current car isn't 4 wheel drive, so she doesn't like the snow either or to be more precise the big hill that we have to get up to get to our street. 

N had school yesterday morning. Most schools had early dismissals and the brunt of the storm was due to start around midday, so as he finishes at 11 I figured he would be ok to go. As I drove him to school the snow started to come down, but it wasn't that heavy. By the time I had dropped him off and got back to that hill, it was already slick. My little car complained and slipped a little but just made it up. I vacuumed and mopped the floor until around 10 when I decided to go and get N. A 13 minute ride took half an hour as the snow had gotten heavier but wasn't accumulating enough for the ploughs so the trucks were just gritting. The main roads were fine, but once you turned off them it became dicey. The hill up to school was nearly impossible to get up. My car slowed and slipped. I wasn't sure I would make it but was so glad to finally crest the top of the hill. At the point I was 30 minutes early, but decided to pull N out anyway so we could get home as soon as possible. Was my boy happy to see me? Nope, he was pissed!!! I'd pulled him out right at the start of snack time and he was mad that he didn't get to eat his apple and blueberries!! I hadn't managed to get my car into a parking space as she was sliding too much, so I'd kind of abandoned it off to the side, figuring we'd soon be on our way. As I'm buckling N into his seat, listening to him complain about the snack interruption a cop pulled up next to me and asked if everything was ok. I hopped out and closed the door, which made N even madder - because I wasn't listening to him. So now he's crying in the car, while I'm explaining to the officer that we are fine and that I'd just decided to pull him out early due to the snow. He's like 'yeah, it's getting bad out. You should get moving and get home.' So I take his advice, jump into the car and tell my son that I was listening to him, but I can't ignore police officers to talk to him and that we need to head home NOW.....and that I'd really appreciate it if he didn't cry the whiole way home as driving in the snow is tricky enough without the added sound effects. It was definitely a scary ride for me and I was so happy when we got home, taking the long way to avoid the hill.  

Once we were home we had lunch, played dinosaurs and waited for mommy to make it home. I remember hearing the school bus coming down the st, bringing the other kids home from N's school and feeling ridiculously relieved to hear that sound. I can't imagine having my kid on a bus when the weather is that terrible, although it probably handles the roads better than my car does! 

It seemed it be getting later and later, with still no word from J. So I check online to see what time her school's early dismissal is and then tried to figure out from there what time she would be leaving. She finally texts at 1.45 to say that they are waiting on one bus and then she will be on that road. At around 2.30 I'm on fb when I read about a huge accident on the highway close to J's school that she should be on at that time (by my calculations). I try calling her and she doesn't pick up, so I'm getting a little more worried and give it a few minutes before trying her again, still no answer. A good 10 minutes go by before she calls me back, by which point I'm totally stressed out. She says she's leaving and I tell her not to take the highway and as I start to tell her about the accident I start crying my eyes out! She's like 'are you crying?'

Me: ......mumble, mumble...'no.' 

J:  'omg, yes you are, what's wrong with you?' 

Me: 'I don't know....it must be the damn hormones.' 

J : 'holy crap!'  

Than I had to wait an excruciating hour and a half for her to make it home! She did let me know when she was close to home but from that point, which is usually 10 mins away it still took another 25 mins for her make it. When she got in she wanted to know what the deal with the tears was I and had to admit that they weren't the first ones of the day. That it bubbles up frequently for me right now and that I was practically crying when I got to school to get N and again when I heard the bus rumbling down the street!! 

I'm so glad to be done with the pill, as I'm sure it's been nothing but trouble for me. I don't think I usually get sick that often, as the at home mom there isn't time for that, but in the last 2 weeks I've been sick 3 times to the point where I've needed help with N. The first time J had to take a half day. Then on Sunday she came home from a few hrs at work and made a really yummy dinner while I laid on the couch and then I was in bed by 7, with a fever and the chills. The next morning I called in sick to work and J's parents came to help with N while I slept for 2.5 hrs. Today I went back to work despite having a horrible sounding cough and headache, mostly so N would be reunited with his playmates as school was closed for him and the big kids!!! Luckily I got rid of the big girl and the boys played so well together after 2 days apart and despite my technology ban. I'm pretty sure both boys have had way too much screen time the past couple of days. We did make it out to play for a little while, but N wasn't liking the wind blowing the snow in his face so it didn't last too long, which I was happy about!! 

This is the only pic I managed to get. It seems my phone doesn't like the cold weather either. It always dies on me when I take it out in the cold. 

You've Been Hacked

Make us chocolate chip cookies or face the wrath of Me and mini-me!!!  Bwahahahaha!!

Mini-me says, "poif6o9i4irrwyujggfoloy9k3"  which means We love you!

Getting my head in the game.

So another blogger (hi Amanda) commented that her blog roll has been empty of late and I thought I should provide something for her to read!

I often think of things I want to blog about, or even start the posts only for that to be as far as the process goes. I'm spending lots of time at the skating rink with my job and I tend to start the posts there on my phone, only for them to stay right there. 

So here's an update from the TTC roller coaster. I've been on BCP since right after Christmas and it has not been easy. My already far from perfect skin is 10 times worse than normal and it's been very challenging for my self confidence. (Something I've battled with forever). For more than a week it also made me nauseous all day long and sick to my stomach for one very long night. Then there is the spotting, which have all landed me in the worst mood ever. Poor J has been getting it in the neck the moment she walks through the door. It has not been fun and has left us both a little freaked out. If I can't handle the pill can I survive stims and pregnancy? 

I had a consult with the RE the other day who basically wanted to reinforce that if we take part in the study (which we are) it is very likely we will end up with twins. Now I have come to like our RE over the past 5 yrs (holy crap!) but the man sure mumbles, probably more than I do! So some of the (phone) conversation was hard to understand, but I got the gist of it. Basically ivf either works or it doesn't. There is very little you can do to change the outcome. Science can only handle so much before luck, fate, the universe, god, whatever you prescribe to takes over. 

In surprising news he said that he doesn't think my tubes are blocked at all. He thinks that they went into spasm when they shot the dye in there and that made them looked blocked. I asked him if I should redo the test or try iui. He said that the chances of getting pregnant are higher with ivf (1 in 4 versus 1 in 5) and that with my infertile diagnosis insurance covers treatment, which it didn't before when we thought we were heading for iui.  

I feel like I'm kind of detached from the whole process. Just hanging out and going through the motions, counting down the days. I honestly don't know what my chances of this working are and I'm afraid to think too far ahead. I feel the need to guard my poor heart and protect it in case this doesn't work. I know it will be hard if it doesn't. My brother announced on Christmas Day that his wife is expecting in July. That one surprised me and made me want to cry. My twin sister's BFP was less of a surprise as she's one of the (straight) women that I've been giving TTC advice to lately. Now I find myself trying not to dampen her excitement by advising her keep it quiet, because you just never know which pregnancies will end the same way ours have. Not something I would have even thought about a couple of years ago. 

I picked up all my meds on Tuesday and they are waiting to be used after I have blood work and ultrasound on the 24th. I keep telling J that she's going to have to give me the shots, even tho I gave her hers! Right now the tentative schedule is for the retrieval to take place the first week of feb and the transfer the following month. We are heading to Disney the first week of April so I will either be going pregnant or having a really awesome vacation to get over it all! 

Holiday craft exchange

This year I participated in An offering of love's holiday craft exchange for the first time.
Making and sending off my craft took a little longer than I thought it would, but I'm hoping that it made it to it's intended recipient before Christmas.

J, N and I received beautiful scarves from the girls at Adventuresof2moms. N tried them all on before settling on the one that was intended for him! We love how warm and cozy they are keeping us during all the cold weather. Thanks Jenn and Maria! I have a new blog to follow now and  am keeping my fingers crossed that you guys will get your BFP soon!