Christmas

This Christmas I had a hard time with homesickness. Probably for the first time in over 12 years I really wanted to be in England for Christmas. I wanted my little family to be surrounded by my parents, siblings and all my aunts, uncles, cousins and my nanny. 19 of them sat down for lunch on Christmas day and I was sad that we weren't there. We skyped with them and I got to talk to everyone, but it's not  the same as being there. I think it was harder for me as the anniversary of my Grampy's death is Christmas Eve and although he's been gone for 3 years now it's still hard. Especially as he's passing was sudden and I didn't see him before he died. His wife, my Nanny was diagnosed with dementia this fall and has recently been moved into residential care. I think I'm also aware of the fact that this could be her last Christmas. She's slowly slipping away and most of the time I'm probably in denial, choosing to remember the Nanny of my childhood, not the frail, confused, easily upset old lady that she's become. I totally consider America my home, I've been here so long and more importantly it's where my family is, but sometimes I long to recapture those childhood memories / experiences. And want a piece of that for my son and wife. I know that I was really hard for J to deal with while I was moving my way through all that stuff and pulled her down at one point too. For that I'm really sorry.

My good friend welcomed her third baby last friday. While I'm so happy for her and her family it was also hard for me. She got pregnant soon after us and called to tell us the news just after our miscarriage, on N's birthday. She was coming to his party and already starting to show at 5 or 6 wks so wanted to give us a heads up before her arrival. The arrival of her baby is a reminder that we should have been celebrating Christmas with our new baby. We've officially been TTC for 18 months, with 2 BFPs and 2 loses and it SUCKS. We feel so fortunate to have N, but long for another child. Hopefully 2013 will be our year - fingers crossed!!

At the start of December my brother, sister in law and niece came to stay with us. N and I took a few days off work to spend with them. It was great to see the 2 kids playing together and N interacting with his aunt and uncle. We really kept it low key and mostly played at home. We ate out a couple of times and they cooked for us which was a nice treat. As a surprise for my parents we had a friend come over and take pics of us all. I was specifically hoping for a good pic of the kids, but neither of them were thrilled with that plan, but we ended up with some great shots!

My niece arrived with a cold that got worse during her stay here. At one point we were trying to figure out where we would take her if she needed to see a dr, but luckily it didn't come to that. They headed to Florida when they left us and we all came down with the cold right in time for Christmas!

N and I made a gingerbread house. He had a lot of fun putting it together and never figured out that the stuff he was sticking on was candy and something that he might want to eat! 

Christmas Eve J's parents came for dinner. During desert we noticed that it had started to snow. After Gram and Pop left we headed out to play. Yep, we were the crazy people playing in the snow at 8pm, but it was so much fun and I'm so glad we did! N had a blast and proved to be such a trooper. He had a couple of face plants, but jumped right up and got back to throwing snowballs. I have hope that he may make a good snowboarding buddy for me in a couple of years. By Christmas morning the snow had mostly melted and what was left was hard and icy so wasn't as much fun to play in.

Christmas morning N slept until 10. We were saying that this will probably be the last year that he'll sleep that late! Both of us were up and waiting for him. He had lots of presents and took his time opening them, stopping to play along with way. It was exactly as it should be!

Mama got spoiled too. Although someone loves my gift as much as I do, luckily I don't mind sharing!

We had planned to go to J's parents on Christmas day, but J had a fever and ended up in bed feeling really rough :-( So we changed our plans and are having Christmas with them tmrw instead.