WTF universe?

I can't believe that I am writing another one if these posts...

We found out yesterday that we lost our longed for baby. J had a feeling at the start of the week that something was off and called in a favor from a dr friend of hers. Sadly the news wasn't good. This has not been an easy pregnancy. (I've drafted previous posts and always felt hesitant to post them). Both embryos implanted and we lost one baby early on, but were so hopeful that the other would continue to grow after hearing a strong hb at 8 wks. We were discharged from the RE, had our first OB visit and finally told J's parents and N. The constant exhaustion that J felt was tough to see, and the countless shots and endless amounts of stuff that she/we pumped into her body was more than I could probably endure. She handled it all like a trooper, never complaining and reminding herself that it would all be worth it in the end....

I took N with me shopping for a baby shower gift for a friend yesterday and while at the store he pointed out several things he wanted to get for the baby. I came so close to letting him get something...... 

I'm at a loss for words....so sad, hurt and very angry. It sucks to be here again. 

Argh....

I'm having one of those days when I wish I had just stayed in bed!!

Neither N or myself are morning people. We both like to stay up late and sleep late, which generally works well for us. But on days like today when he has school it's no fun for either of us. I went in to wake him at 8 and the first thing he does is asks for J and then starts crying when I tell him that she is at work. This happens most mornings no matter what time he wakes up :-( Most of the time he gets over it quickly but on days like today it feels endless. He cries and asks for Mommy and while comforting him I end up apologizing that she's not there and that he's stuck with me. It can get pretty soul destroying at times.....I'm putting in 90% of the child care right now and sometimes can't help taking it personally when he asks for J all the time.

We made it to school 15 minutes late and I headed right home to get on with my never ending to do list.  There always seems like so much to do and not enough time to get it done. We leave for work at 12 and the morning seems to fly by - I get a little more done when he's at school but when he's home it's harder to juggle giving him attention and getting stuff done. I try to get a jump start on dinner prep as well as the cleaning and the never ending pile of laundry.

I left home at 11.45 to get N and head to work. When we were 5 mins away I got a text from my boss telling me that she would pick up the big boy. So we hung out at work and waited for them to show up. When the arrived we played with the big boy and the new puppy for half an hour while my hungover sick boss headed to bed. She then called my phone from her bedroom to talk to her son (WTF!), who went in to be with her. N and I were left waiting to find out what was going to happen and at 2 we got the answer. She called me again to say that she and the big boy were going to watch a movie so we could go home.  We were at work for all of an hour and a half when it takes us 25 mins to drive there. ARGH!!! I hate it when that happens, if she had called and told me earlier I would have happily stayed home and not wasted my time going over there. I'm thankful that N didn't throw a tantrum when I told him we were going home as he has been doing at the end of every day recently.

Sorry for my rant. I think that I'm over tired and have been eating way too much junk food recently. (Why yes, it was me that ate all those cookies!) I'm trying so hard to take care of J and N but today I could use a break.  That said and out of my system I'm going to take my boy and head out to play!

Birthday weekend

While it may have been Mother's Day this past Sunday it was also N's 3rd birthday, so we spent the weekend celebrating the boy who made us mothers!! How can our baby be 3 already??? It seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye. Our tiny helpless baby has turned into a stubborn independent, funny, smart, amazing big boy.

Newborn N

3 years old

On Saturday we had a party for 15 of N's friends at an indoor play space. He had a blast playing in the tunnels, running around with his friends and checking out the pretend play areas. The big boy came to his party this year and N was so happy to have him there. A couple of people commented to me that they could see how much N looks up the the big boy. It's not always a good thing, but for the most part both boys have benefited from having each other in their lives. 

We had tried to prepare N in the week running up to his birthday as to what would be going on and what we expected of him on the day of his party. He is used to just doing his own thing when he goes to the play space and when we took him there for another party he didn't want to follow along with the timing of the party. He just wanted to keep playing and not stop for pizza and cake, so we told him he would be sitting in the special party chair and that he had to stay in the party room for the whole pizza and cake part. He did so well and only wanted to get up when the big boy got up to come and check out the baby I was holding. By the end of the 2 hrs all the kids, including our own were exhausted, but I think that everyone had a great time! 

On Sunday  we started the day watching N's birth movie. We had an amazing Douala with us during N's delivery and she took hundreds of great pics. We always watch it on his birthday (and plenty of other times too!) and this year the pregnancy hormones got the best of J and she just might have shed a few tears while she watched it :-) N loves to watch himself being born and while J doesn't like the actual c-section part N loves to talk about his arrival butt first!

Then he got stuck into all his gifts. I think he did really well this year with lots of gifts to go along with his love of pretend play. He got lots of dress up clothes, a lot of clothes (not a popular gift), cars, quite a few water pistols and after a long search I finally found a boy baby doll that isn't scary looking.

Mountain of gifts

Getting in a little practice

Arrgh matey

Packaging is always more fun!

Mommy and her mini me

After a rough start I finally pulled off his home made cake for the family party on Sunday. Although it took a couple of attempts and I ended up having to get up early on Sunday morning to finish it I was happy with the end result. I'm not sure why it's so important to me that he has a home made cake every birthday but I hope it's a tradition that I can continue. Thank goodness for pintrest which I had been browsing for weeks to get the inspiration. 

We have lots of leftovers and I'm not doing a good job of staying away from them. Guess I will have to  get back to my diet after J's birthday next week!! 

We had such a great weekend celebrating with friends and family. N was totally spoilt with all the attention and gifts that he got and now to top it all off we are all sick :-( J is probably suffering the most as it only adds to the exhaustion of early pregnancy and she can't take anything to help her feel better. Hopefully we will all shift this cold quickly and be feeling better soon. 

Mother's Day tea

Yesterday N's school had a Mother's Day tea. We only found out that the tea was happening on the schools fb page and didn't know when or where it was so J wasn't able to make it :-(   I eventually found out the details from a note stuck on the door when I arrived to drop N off. (Communication is not a strong point there. Sigh, only a few more weeks!)  Basically they had a room set up where moms and kids could have tea and read a story. I know they separate it from the regular class so moms that are working and can't make it don't have a kid that feels like they are missing out. N and I were the only ones in the room, the director stopped by to take a couple of pics and the art teacher  came in to show me N's project that SHE hadn't managed to get finished. 

As you can see from the first pic I'm training the boy in the art of making the perfect cuppa. Harder than you might think!! Guess some people might say I'm fussy about my tea :-) 

The card and flower his teacher 'helped' him to make. 

We are looking forward to celebrating our boy this weekend at he turns 3. Sob, sob. He is having 2 parties this year. A friend party at an indoor play space and then a small family party at home. Can't believe that he's 3 already... 

What a night!

Once upon a time that statement would mean a whole different thing. Sadly now it's totally kid related!!

N fell asleep on the way home from work at about 6.45 last night. I usually try to keep him awake on the 25 min drive. Which usually involves talking, singing and some toe tickling on my part, with the whining, shouting and crying added by N for fun! Last night he just wasn't having any of it - despite telling me that he wasn't going to sleep he was out less than 5 mins from our house!

We pulled in and J came out to meet us, so we debated whether to put him to bed or wake him up. N never goes to bed that early so we knew we had 2 choices. Wake him up and deal with a cranky N and a late night, or put  him to bed and have him wake early. We decided to put him to bed and see what happened. He woke up after an hr, but just because he was too hot. So I used that moment to put a diaper on and tuck him back in.

I gave J her shot and she went off to bed by 8.30. I then decided that I better try and get some sleep so went to bed super early for me at 9. (I'm a bit of a night owl and hardly ever go to bed before midnight.) Luckily N has always run a later than average schedule which means that he's not usually up super early and that works for me/us as I'm not really a morning person and we get a lie in (to sleep late) on weekends! But last night he was up at 1, thanks to a bad dream, I think. He was mumbling about someone hitting and kicking him. Then J got up to him at 1.30, when he was talking about wanting to go home. She ended up bringing him downstairs for an hr before trying to put him back to to bed. But he was wide awake and not interested in sleeping. I took over and she went back to bed while N and I headed back downstairs. We watched some tv, ate snacks and played until 4.30, when I tried to convince him to lie down with me. That wasn't working - he's not a co-sleeper, so I took him to his bed and he was out. Until 7.30 that is - when his diaper leaked, thanks to all the middle of the night drinking I'm sure! I carried him downstairs and now he is sleeping on the couch while I type this. He will get his 12/13 hrs in the end, just not in the most conventional way!